March 9

Taking Risks

Okay, I’ve figured out what I’m going to do for Lent. Taking on the project of writing this Lenten Devotional is my first step. I confess that I agonized, squirmed, and retreated every time I considered baring my soul in some form to write a Lenten devotional. At a very marked point in this decision process I realized that mainly because I was so scared of the intimacy of the project that I actually had to do it.

In my years here at St. Peter’s I’ve enjoyed the wisdom and goodness of three rectors and so, so many parishioners. I’ve learned a lot from everyone and have begun to believe that I have a pretty decent, albeit fundamental, intellectual grasp on Christianity. But I realized that my extreme visceral discomfort in considering writing a devotional to be shared by the parish means I’m missing out in participating in a vital element of Christianity – the emotional and spiritual side. I know my faith will shield me as I humble myself, will bolster me when I feel afraid, and will give me purpose – why have I not been trusting this?

So for Lent I am daily going to open myself up to hurt, ridicule, or humiliation whenever the opportunity arises. I’ll take the risk of being rejected, I’ll take the risk of being laughed at, I’ll take the risk of being considered stupid, and I’ll take the risk of earning someone’s sympathy. All this with the goal of bravely doing what I believe is good, just, strong, and honest. Too many times I’ve known better what to do or say, only I didn’t have the stomach or the heart. I’m going to work on that.

Nina Siegrist